Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Talk like a pirate day
I've been in the crows nest, takin' a peek at these lefty publications, and I think ye've got it all wrong, jumping on me hearty, Georgie W.
Aye, he started a war, one that cost ye more riches than any pirate is ever goin' ta see, but can you blame a man, havin' all those fancy ships, and airplanes, and tanks? Why, I'd have invaded somewhere meself, and since everyone already was hatin' those a-rab fellows, 'r at least didn't give a piss off the poop deck if they got blown ta pieces, Iraq was as good as anything. And sure, he didn't get the plunder his own self, but his first mate got to give a bunch to his own mates, and that makes it all to the good.
And aye, he set an' did nothing, as lots of people drowned, but he's a President, not a seaman. The Coasties, they did a lot of rescuin', and let me tell ya, even a pirate can respect the Coasties for ripping people from the stormy seas' icy grasp. Ye can't expect a man to care about a lot of drownin' people if he doesn't know the sea. Of course he played on vacation and ignored the water risin'; even a lubber deserves his leave!
And aargh, but this torture crap is wearin' mighty thin. Of course the man wants to torture! We pirates do that all the time, when it gets us what we wants.
A'course, we pirates are murderin' sea scum, according to men of honor and all. But do ye really want a man a' honor guardin' yer backs?
Nah, me hearty, you let me mate Georgie W do all the torturin' he wants. That's what a pirate would do.
(It should be noted that I have no idea if, historically speaking, pirates engaged in torture. Nevertheless, when possessed by a spirit of a pirate, who sailed teh seven seas to attack and pillage helpless merchant ships, you can't be entirely sure that the spirit is going to tell you the truth. I've known many a sailor who was willing to embellish a story, especially if it might get them another tankard of ale or bottle of rum. I reckon pirates are no different.)